Archive for Star Trek IV

Album Review – Landmine Marathon “Wounded” 2006

Posted in Album Reviews, Sevens to Nines with tags , , , , , , , on December 23, 2010 by Lightning Slim

  Remember Star Trek IV where the giant alien ship comes to Earth and they want to talk to the whales and it’s kind of awkward because we murdered all the whales so the Trek crew has to go back in time to save the whales so the human race doesn’t get nut-punched by angry space whale-ians? Well, the story of Wounded is like that story, with less whale.*
 
In this story, secret metal scientists of today realize that American grindcore music is slick, repetitive and boring due to the lack of guidance from the European masters. All their readings indicate that without Bolt Thrower, all music will be doomed. To fix the problem, they create a beautiful grind-borg using some depleted uranium they have lying around and the DNA of Angela Gossow, Vas Kallas, Mel Mongeon and The Great Kat.
 
The grindbot (codenamed Grace) is sent back in time to 1988, where she travels to England and breaks into the headquarters of Earache Records and copies all the demo tapes. Then she steals several babies from an American orphanage and raises them in a secret desert hideout on a musical diet of nothing but Repulsion, Entombed and Brutal Truth. When they ask for techno, she beats them and plays Meathook Seed.
 
Eighteen years later, Landmine Marathon’s first album, Wounded, is released by this band of time travelers. The world is once again safe for old-school grindcore. The End – Or Is It? 7.5 out of 10
 
*Unless you mean Andy Whale, the drummer of Bolt Thrower.

Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: