Archive for Montreal Roller Derby

Lucky Beast Number 7

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , on April 23, 2014 by Lightning Slim

This weekend, I travel to Montreal to attend the infamous Beast of the East Derby tournament. I’ve been to 5 of these things already, only missing the first one. It’s a fabulously fun time and a kind of unofficial kickoff to the roller derby season in central Canada.

My good friend (and newly published author)  The Derby Nerd has done some serious heavy lifting on previewing this thing should you wish to know more. Take a look here.

And for his Herculean distillation of the tournament’s entire history, try here.


Autumn Inauguration, Chance of Domination

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , , , on September 20, 2011 by Lightning Slim

Originally published at

What’s that? Can’t get enough derby? We know the feeling. While we’re sure you will all have one eye glued to the unfolding events down at the WFTDA playoffs, don’t forget there’s live double-header action still happening here at home.

On Saturday the 24th TCRG hosts skaters from both Montreal and Toronto, two leagues who have faced Tri-City before, and know that you don’t have to be from the big smoke to burn up the track. Toronto Roller Derby’s Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, smarting from a recent drubbing at the skates of Royal City, will be looking to focus their anger on the Total Knock-Outs. It’s Red Vs. Blue, and someone’s getting fragged!

In the second bout the Vicious Dishes look to close out their season with a win over Les Contrabanditas. These teams have built up enough heat between them to pull the autumn chill right out of the air.

Get your backsides to trackside out in sunny New Hamburg, and watch the falling  leaves turn the colour of bruise!

Augustravaganza Ends in Victory and a Promise of Clashes to Come

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , , , on September 5, 2011 by Lightning Slim

Photo by Sean Murphy

Originally Published at

By now I hope you’ve read the gracious and thorough recap of last weekend’s double-header by Mr. Whistler, which touches on some of the highlights of two bouts that saw both the Dishes and Tramps come away with decisive victories. Of course the plot now thickens with each of these contests thanks to TORD‘s involvement with WFTDA: more than being isolated one-off bouts, the Tri-City/TORD rivalry now contains the delicious element of cross-linkage with sanctioned bouts between the two leagues.

The friends and rivals made on the track in bouts like last weekend’s will weave themselves into a story of fan anticipation for the time these skaters meet again on the larger stage. That, ladies and gentlemen, is water-cooler talk, it’s specuation about line-ups and strategies and it’s exactly what I want from my sports. Tell your friends who remain unconvinced about this fishnet-legged monster that it’s not only local, home-made, cheeky and powerful, it also contains all the traditional elements you bracket chasers, stat-hounds, followers of character players, rules-lawyers, talent scouts and lovers of true grit truly crave. Is it fun? Hell yes, but there are marbles to be played for and your Canadian rollergirls are in for keepsies.

What’s next for TCRG? September 24 the fun-loving but ever-dangerous ladies of Montreal Roller Derby dispatch the Contrabanditas to engage the Vicious Dishes in a rematch of their close Beast of the East tussle. The Ditas took the brief  tournament bout 27-21, but the Dishes no doubt have a full-hour attack plan in store. The opener of the double-header has upstage potential: the TKO’s face Toronto’s D-VAS. Both rookie squads have had successful seasons and this crossing of skates could produce some unrestrained action as the Tri-City and TORD of tomorrow tap in.

Stay tuned to this space for more details on upcoming events!

See you in the Suicide Seats,


TCRG Full Participants in Beast of the East IV

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , , , , , on February 19, 2011 by Lightning Slim

Originally Published at

Polish off your Grade 10 French and begin PBR training now, as all three TCRG home teams have secured spots in Montreal Roller Derby’s Beast of the East tournament for 2011.

This will be the fourth incarnation of the spring tourney, which features teams from Eastern Canada and the occasional guest from the Northern US. Past years have seen the Vicious Dishes and Venus Fly Tramps push themselves to the limit and beyond, and also take some lumps from their formidable MTLRD hosts. 2011 promises some excellent derby as the state of the sport and its skill level continue to climb across Canada, with TCRG bringing along some swagger attached to their new WFTDA membership as well as numerical support in their newly-minted Total Knock-Outs squad.

Two solid days of derby, and the lure of Montreal in the springtime. What’s not to like? I know TCRG would like to see some familiar faces in the crowd, so check out the details below and get your backsides to trackside:

–Lightning Slim

Thunder Win Streak Halted by Sexpos

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , , , , , on September 2, 2010 by Lightning Slim

 photo by Midnight Matinee

All good things must eventually end, and Montreal proved once again to be a stumbling block on the path of Thunder’s journey to derby domination with a 115-46 win over the TCRG squad.

The August 28 bout, A Fistful of Brawlers, saw Montreal’s second-tier travel team the Sexpos head west to make things wild. Given MTLRD’s meteoric rise up the WFTDA standings it’s safe to say that this “B Team” would be comfortable against almost anyone. Thunder’s ferocity and determination not to be subdued by their erstwhile mentors made things a very entertaining evening. My announcing duties were shared with Plastik Patrik, who made my life easier not only with his tremendous play-by-play skills but also by looking so good in an Evel Kinevel-style jumpsuit that I didn’t have to think about  putting mine on.

Also making my life easier: a fabulous, detailed examination of the proceedings over at Derby Spotlight. Thanks, Joe Mac!

Next up for TCRG – a double-header of oceanic proportions!

August Action Update

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , on August 24, 2010 by Lightning Slim

Originally published at

  After taking a couple of weeks to gain a level in badassery, the ladies of TCRG will be returning to action this August.

On the 21st Thunder (and Doma the Shark of Domination) will travel to Syracuse, NY in an opening bid to extend Shark Week well into Xmas. Their opponents will be the A-team of Assault City, so if you have American relatives to introduce to derby or feel like a duty-free weekend you should follow the sound of Thunder.

Scarcely one week later Thunder return to their beloved K-dubs in “A Fistful of Brawlers”, a rematch against the Montreal Sexpos – best known for taking the victory in Thunder’s inaugural bout two years ago. You need to be there on the day to find out just how much times have changed, and blind the enemy with the beaming of your TCRG pride!

See you in the Suicide Seats,


Slim Pickin’s – Beast of the East 2010 First Impressions

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , , , , on April 26, 2010 by Lightning Slim

Originally posted on  All stats courtesy Derby News Network.

Although my head’s still a bit hazy from a very hectic weekend (11 games called!) I thought I’d share some thoughts on the showing TCRG made at Beast this year.

Round 1 on Saturday saw The Venus Fly Tramps get out pack-controlled by the Death Row Dames from Hammer City, resulting in a 63-6 loss. The Vicious Dishes grabbed a 37-20 victory over Rideau Valley’s Slaughter Daughters.

Round 2 saw the Tramps get organized and gain a fairly tidy win against Rideau Valley’s newer team, the Riot Squad, eliminating them from the tourney with a score of 43-14. The Dishes drew a nasty opponent in Montreal’s Les Filles Du Roi (the eventual Beasts) and an equally nasty result: 115-7.

Round 3 began with a bruised but determined Thames Fatales (fresh from a drubbing by La Racaille) scoring early to put a close 24-15 game just out of the Tramps’ reach. The Dishes put paid to GTAR’s Debutantes 52-14 to ensure their advancement.

Sunday’s Round 4 pitted the Dishes against La Racaille where they could not beat the blinding speed of the Montreal team. The final score was 57-4, but there’s no shame in your losses coming from the 1-2 teams in the tournament!

My thanks to Single Malt Scott and the other Montreal announcers for making me feel so welcome and giving me the opportunity to call for TCRG and many other tremendous roller-athletes. Null ptr ref, Pat Smear Dribblin and an army of referees from all points of the compass (including ours!) put together a clockwork-smooth tournament of surpassing enjoyability.

I’ll post a bit more when I’ve had the chance to see some video. You can watch too on!

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