Archive for Tri-City Roller Girls

Spurred to Action, Roller Derby Rides to Rescue

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , , , , , on July 10, 2012 by Lightning Slim

There’s nothing exciting I can tell you that isn’t eclipsed by the majesty of  Adam Swinbourne’s poster for this weekend’s bout:


He’s a real talent. To think, all those fantastic rollergirls to draw and he almost scotches the whole thing by putting my mug on it! Deets for the bout here:

See your backsides at trackside! Also, forgive me if I look a little ragged on the day; there’s a little something I’m up to the night before.

Return to the City of Beer

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , , on May 31, 2012 by Lightning Slim

Here I go again – I’ll be following the Tri-City Thunder to Milwaukee for the Brew City Brewhaha. It’s a long drive, but a fun tournament, and I like the local delicacies*


*By which I mean beer. And cheese. They put cheese on everything.

It Must Be Spring Again, Bring On the Purple Reign

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , , , , on April 27, 2012 by Lightning Slim

Quad City Chaos 2012

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , , , on March 26, 2012 by Lightning Slim

Fantastic poster art courtesy Adam Swinbourne

Lowdown on this cool tournament by the Derby Nerd is here.

Autumn Inauguration, Chance of Domination

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , , , on September 20, 2011 by Lightning Slim

Originally published at

What’s that? Can’t get enough derby? We know the feeling. While we’re sure you will all have one eye glued to the unfolding events down at the WFTDA playoffs, don’t forget there’s live double-header action still happening here at home.

On Saturday the 24th TCRG hosts skaters from both Montreal and Toronto, two leagues who have faced Tri-City before, and know that you don’t have to be from the big smoke to burn up the track. Toronto Roller Derby’s Deadly Viper Assassination Squad, smarting from a recent drubbing at the skates of Royal City, will be looking to focus their anger on the Total Knock-Outs. It’s Red Vs. Blue, and someone’s getting fragged!

In the second bout the Vicious Dishes look to close out their season with a win over Les Contrabanditas. These teams have built up enough heat between them to pull the autumn chill right out of the air.

Get your backsides to trackside out in sunny New Hamburg, and watch the falling  leaves turn the colour of bruise!

Augustravaganza Ends in Victory and a Promise of Clashes to Come

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , , , on September 5, 2011 by Lightning Slim

Photo by Sean Murphy

Originally Published at

By now I hope you’ve read the gracious and thorough recap of last weekend’s double-header by Mr. Whistler, which touches on some of the highlights of two bouts that saw both the Dishes and Tramps come away with decisive victories. Of course the plot now thickens with each of these contests thanks to TORD‘s involvement with WFTDA: more than being isolated one-off bouts, the Tri-City/TORD rivalry now contains the delicious element of cross-linkage with sanctioned bouts between the two leagues.

The friends and rivals made on the track in bouts like last weekend’s will weave themselves into a story of fan anticipation for the time these skaters meet again on the larger stage. That, ladies and gentlemen, is water-cooler talk, it’s specuation about line-ups and strategies and it’s exactly what I want from my sports. Tell your friends who remain unconvinced about this fishnet-legged monster that it’s not only local, home-made, cheeky and powerful, it also contains all the traditional elements you bracket chasers, stat-hounds, followers of character players, rules-lawyers, talent scouts and lovers of true grit truly crave. Is it fun? Hell yes, but there are marbles to be played for and your Canadian rollergirls are in for keepsies.

What’s next for TCRG? September 24 the fun-loving but ever-dangerous ladies of Montreal Roller Derby dispatch the Contrabanditas to engage the Vicious Dishes in a rematch of their close Beast of the East tussle. The Ditas took the brief  tournament bout 27-21, but the Dishes no doubt have a full-hour attack plan in store. The opener of the double-header has upstage potential: the TKO’s face Toronto’s D-VAS. Both rookie squads have had successful seasons and this crossing of skates could produce some unrestrained action as the Tri-City and TORD of tomorrow tap in.

Stay tuned to this space for more details on upcoming events!

See you in the Suicide Seats,


Buffalo Winged by Tramps, Dishes Move In for the Kill

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , , , , on August 18, 2011 by Lightning Slim

Originally published at

We all know that the Terminator has a chip inside his head which allows him to switch to Learning Mode, understand why people cry and allow Arnie to bust out his serious acting chops. Lesser known is the dial located on every Venus Fly Tramp, which is usually set for “Fun”. Last Saturday the dials were set to “SRS BZNZ” and the Tramps’ TCRG sisters, fans and an unsuspecting crew from Buffalo saw a very different kind of flower power.

The Queen City Roller Girls were in town for a double-header, and the Alley Kats spent the first period of their game bamboozling the Tramps. Evil-Lyn Cognito, Lady Gaia and Celery StalkHer and Team USA alternate Addy Rawl put the Kats into a 50-point lead by halftime, aided by thunderous blocking  from rookie standout KonichiWOW. TKO call-ups Groins and Tiny Dancer had done some serious blocking and jamming work respectively to stem the tide in the absence of regulars Ann Kilbiter and Freudian Whip, but it was clutch performer Konky who laid down the gauntlet with a multi-point powerjam in the final minute of the first half.

Cue the comeback. In the second period a  mighty, hitherto-unknown Green Machine played a stellar game of Derby Survivor: Outhit, Outskate, Outpass. Slowly but surely the Tramps turned their stamina to their advantage and claimed their third victory in a row. A nervous moment occurred when Konky was injured, but the ever-boisterous Leigh-zzie Borden stepped into the gap to finish out the bout. Final score: Tramps 144, Alley Kats 92.

The second bout of the evening featured a clash of blocking corps. Devil Dollies captain Lip Service is not afraid to do her own clearing, something Dishes jammer Guns ‘n Gams learned to her sorrow. The Dishes ran a familiar system of pack control for the bout, which did not preclude individual acts of heroism. Sofanda Beatin was steady on her wheels for the cause, and Suzy Slam celebrated her birthday with a career bout of precision hits. Another jammer injury marred the otherwise fun level of play – we wish Nova Cain a speedy recovery. A special hardcore note for Tuesday Hula of  QCRG, who pulled double duty and skated both bouts in an on-the-edge style that kept her at the forefront of the action and foremost in the minds of the penalty tracker. Final score: Dishes 250, Dollies 57.

If you did not see this cross-border clash, you are on notice! Consider this a subpoena – your presence is required at the Waterloo Memorial Recreation Complex on the 27th of August to see another double-header against Toronto Roller Derby. Same Roller-Time! Same Roller-Channel! More Roller-You! Or Else!

See you in the Suicide Seats,


London Bridge Holds Steady for Lunch Ladies, Falls for Thames Fatales

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , , , on July 20, 2011 by Lightning Slim

Originally published at

It’s always a party when the Forest City Derby Girls come to town, and this time they did so doubly, with the Lunch Ladies facing off against the TKOs and the Thames Fatales seeking to battle old friends the Venus Fly Tramps Saturday night.

The first bout saw the normally systematic TKOs fall into confusion despite a strong effort. The Lunch Ladies put up several multi-point jams in the early going and commanded the first half. A brief comeback in the second was mounted by jammer Booty Two Shoes and captains Pandemic Pearl and Fox Smoulder, but Tri-City discipline problems allowed the Lunch Ladies to confidently trade point-for-point with a comfortable lead, relying on the speed of their deep jammer pool (Boxkick Betty, Mighty Thor and Elle Boes and Grisly Blaire all put in time) to keep the differential intact. Final Score: 180-114 for FCDG. Desire for rematch according to everyone I spoke with at the bout: 1000000 percent.

Round two featured a Tramp squad hungry for victory and a Fatales line-up in single digits lacking familiar faces Killson, Piepshow and captain Anya Face, whose determined sideline appearance on crutches echoed the no-quit, no-complaint style that has made the Thames a favourite opponent everywhere. Determined though the FCDG A-squad were, the Tramps had been training and waiting for a long time to get back into the limelight and they steamrolled all opponents. Thames, time, and the uncharacteristically full penalty board  were all pushed aside  with concerted team play as the Venus Fly Tramps celebrated their first regulation* victory since October 2009. Tramps 176, Thames 89.

What next, you ask? Why, more fun coming up on Saturday as both home teams visit 2011 Beast Champions Rideau Valley in yet another double-header.  A city known for bureaucrats more than bruising is about to get shaken up by Tramps and Dishes on a rolling road trip. Go with them, I say! You have my endorsement to good-naturedly terrorize the good citizens of Kanata with your indomitable Tri-City pride!

Too far to Ottawa, you say? Then I demand your presence at both doubleheaders in August! Check our events calendar for details on games against both Buffalo and TORD at the wonderful Waterloo Rec Centre right here in the heart of the Tri-Cities.

See you in the Suicide Seats,

Lightning Slim 

*The ladies in green have done well at speedy tournaments like Beast of the East, but Lou El Bammo and Lilith NoFair had been dreaming of  a 60-minute salvo leading up to this weekend.

Philadelphia Always Sunny, Thunder Heard Nevertheless

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , on June 28, 2011 by Lightning Slim

Originally published at

 The Tri-City Thunder made their debut on their biggest stage to date at the 2011 East Coast Derby Extravaganza this weekend in Feasterville, PA. This three-day explosion of riotous derby action coupled with fun, sun and poolside shenanigans ended with two WFTDA-sanctioned victories by Thunder over Harrisburg (196-101) and Long Island (150-124). I had the pleasure and privilege to travel with the team and call for their bouts, as well as some just-for-fun challenge bouts such as Emo vs. Metal and Gingers vs. The World (victory for teams Metal and Ginger, both close to my heart).

For recaps, photos and access to video feeds and DVD’s, see our gracious hosts over at

This puts Thunder at 6-4 for the season, and spells good things for their inaugural ranking in the second quarter. I’ll be discussing the ramifications of this and Thunder’s position in the derby world at large in future posts, but for now I think I will emulate the skaters* to relax and savour a successful tournament.

See you in the Suicide Seats,


*Oh please – they’re probably at practice as you read this – these ladies never stop reaching for the top!

Catching Up: Summer Derby Love

Posted in Roller Derby with tags , , , , , , , , on June 14, 2011 by Lightning Slim

Originally published at

June’s not even half over and there’s already a heap of derby under our belts, and more to come! Let’s dive into the June 4th Double-Header:

Things began with a disciplined first half from the TKOs as they put their system to work against the Killer Queens of Royal City. Hampered by some injuries, the Queens had brought some borrowed players from RCRG’s other teams, including blocker Ginger Slaughters and seemingly tireless jammer Hot CrossGuns. This melding of inter-squad talent gave a tantalizing glimpse of the possibilities for Royal City’s all-star team in future contests, and also pressed the TKO jammer contingent to thread the needle in some dangerous situations. Expected point netting from Pandemic Pearl and Rain Blows Brite was well-complimented by some stealthy work by Das Booty.

Photo by Adam Gagnon

The second half of the contest was a night-and-day change from the first, as both teams abandoned systemic play and engaged in an often lawless scramble. Killer Queen Archbitch of Slamterbury grabbed some spotlight time as she put in serious work with star, stripe and bare-helmed. With the penalty pagoda perpetually populated, it was veteran Anaslaysia Killsemov holding down the inside line and paving the way to a TKO victory. Final score: 132-84.

The second game of the evening saw a visit by our neighbors to the south, as the Grade A Fancies of Green Mountain made the trek from Vermont to Oktoberland for WFTDA-sanctioned action. Almost in imitation of the earlier bout, the first half displayed home team Thunder’s better qualities and the second was a street fight. Standouts for Thunder included usual-suspect jammer core Motorhead Molly, Skate Pastor and Lippy Wrongstockings and some nice work from newer sharks Leigh-zzie Borden and Freudian Whip, with the latter sidelined by injury late in the bout. Ice, rest and positive thoughts, Whipper!

In the end, despite amazing desire and some superhuman resistance to steady Thunder hitting (Scarlet Menace and Vagichael Jackson, both diminutive,  took gigantic hits and continued to skate) Green Mountan was overcome by their short bench. Final score: 213-38. Long-distance travel can be deadly; something Thunder experienced themselves as their fatigued and smaller cross-border squad lost to Ohio 131-76. Remember, these ladies do it for the sheer joy of derby, and we’re a ways off from the charter-jet era! 

See you in the Suicide Seats,
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